Just breathe….

Today is Friday. This time last week, I was rushing our son off to his PCP.
He had all but stopped eating, seemed to have trouble swallowing and was lethargic. What little bit of talking he would normally do, he wasn’t. It didn’t take a rocket science to figure out that something was wrong. In these Covid times, I still get nervous at times. I was constantly asking myself: Has he been exposed to Covid and if so how long and are these early signs or late signs? What if this is not Covid but something worse? Am I overreacting? Maybe this is just a stomach bug? All I knew and all I cared about was that our son, who is over 5’7″ and looks like a slim linebacker, was sick. Interventions such as pushing fluids and resting were NOT working. He was not getting better…he was getting worse.
“Just breathe”…. I kept telling myself. Do you tend to hold your breath? I do. I literally have to stop and tell myself to breathe. Taking time out in the morning and evenings for breathing and meditation is quite therapeutic for good physical, emotional and mental health. Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist monk, once said “Breathe in deeply to bring your mind home to your body.” Things like fear, trauma, tragedy and worry can all rob your mind of having a home.
So I just breathed and prayed. I do this as I get him dressed. I remind myself that we need to arrive at the doctor’s office safely and in one piece. I was still breathing in the waiting room and while waiting in the examination room. Even though he may have looked oblivious to how I was feeling, I knew he was aware. He was laying on the table just looking at me, calmly and quietly. It was like he was telepathically telling me that he knows that everything is going to be alright.
I breathed a sigh of relief as the doctor confirms an ear infection. An ear infection? I still took a deep breath as she tells me what I know in the back of my mind, “I still feel there is something else going on that I can’t see or I am missing.” I agree, but all I say is, “Okay, then what’s the plan?” It was Friday. The weekend is short when you are having fun, but it can be very long when you are dealing with sickness. We made a plan and he and I began to walk out hand-in-hand. I laughed when he stopped to fix a calendar on the wall. It should say that it is the month of May but the calendar said April. I was so distracted, I never noticed it. Despite all he was dealing with, he didn’t miss that the calendar was displaying the wrong month. He had to fix it! I laughed out loud as he corrected the calendar, pinned it on the wall again and told everyone ‘Goodbye’.
I breathed for my ‘Gentle Giant’ as he has been nicknamed by health professionals that have cared for him since he was an infant.
“Just breathe.” I told myself. The antibiotic will take of everything. We just needed to get through the weekend.